I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Author: Demetri Martin
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson who's really funny for a cartoonist obviously.
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson who's really funny for a cartoonist obviously.
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh they laugh right away.
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh they laugh right away.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle then you're fat!
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle then you're fat!
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40000 pieces. And when you finish it it says 'go outside.'
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40000 pieces. And when you finish it it says 'go outside.'
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing because disapproval is freedom.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing because disapproval is freedom.
I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning because sometimes when I eat breakfast I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning because sometimes when I eat breakfast I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.
But what I was going to say was I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams say it as Thoreau would say and just see where it takes me.
But what I was going to say was I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams say it as Thoreau would say and just see where it takes me.
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer if the paper clip popped up and said 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language you'll get more money.'
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer if the paper clip popped up and said 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language you'll get more money.'