Wisdom worth sharing, words worth remembering.
I like women but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked 'Does he bite?' and she said 'No.' And I said 'So how does he eat?' Liar!
If I have to move up in a building I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
I tend to avoid televisions politics and places with velvet ropes.
And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day then I'm on the right track.
And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.
I love women but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said 'Does he bite?' She said 'No.' And I said 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes you always get another chance. 'Cause you know if you have a crappy apple or a peach you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape no problem – just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
I think that when you get dressed in the morning sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'
For example I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say 'Oh my God. Demetri you're working at the White House.'
I didn't do improv in college I never performed I didn't do theater either. I was in student government I was a history major.
