Mitch Hedberg – Page 2 – Best Quotes

I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said 'You're gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit.

Birthday

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Hot Quotes

My first love is art and I see a lot of things in an artistic way.

In my world history comes down to language and art. No one cares much about what battles were fought who won them and who lost them – unless there is a painting a play a song or a poem that speaks of the event.

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Wushu is a move in Chinese a physical move. An attack. Wushu is like an art.

I did this Super-8 film at art school called 'Tissues' this black comedy about a family whose father has been arrested for child molestation. I was absolutely thrilled by every inch of it and would throw my projector in the back of my car and show it to anybody who would watch it.

The great art of films does not consist of descriptive movement of face and body but in the movements of thought and soul transmitted in a kind of intense isolation.

Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide.

Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis.

The idea of avant-garde art is a very suspicious thing to me the idea that poetry is new and it keeps being new the way Chevrolets every year are new.

Any work that aspires however humbly to the condition of art should carry its justification in every line.

When thou art at Rome do as they do at Rome.

Rock isn't art it's the way ordinary people talk.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means… it's dirty.

I wear a necklace cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin' and hook up with them later.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool Opotamus?

I know a lot about cars man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said 'You're gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit.

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.