Mitch Hedberg – Best Quotes

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Good

I had a stick of CareFree gum but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble but as soon as the gum lost its flavor I was back to pondering my mortality.

Mitch Hedberg

I had a stick of CareFree gum but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble but as soon as the gum lost its flavor I was back to pondering my mortality.

Funny

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Mitch Hedberg

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Hot Quotes

My first love is art and I see a lot of things in an artistic way.

In my world history comes down to language and art. No one cares much about what battles were fought who won them and who lost them – unless there is a painting a play a song or a poem that speaks of the event.

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Wushu is a move in Chinese a physical move. An attack. Wushu is like an art.

Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide.

Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis.

The idea of avant-garde art is a very suspicious thing to me the idea that poetry is new and it keeps being new the way Chevrolets every year are new.

Any work that aspires however humbly to the condition of art should carry its justification in every line.

When thou art at Rome do as they do at Rome.

Rock isn't art it's the way ordinary people talk.

Tell me thy company and I'll tell thee what thou art.

Book-jacket design may become a lost art like album-cover design without which late-20th-century iconography would have been pauperized.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Y'know you can't please all the people all the time… and last night all those people were at my show.

Every time I go and shave I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say 'I'm gonna go shave too.'

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12 I was prolific.

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good and make a cart.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I'll never be as good as a wall.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

I had a stick of CareFree gum but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble but as soon as the gum lost its flavor I was back to pondering my mortality.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.