Tim Vine - Best Quotes

Home

So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

Tim Vine

So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

History

I was reading a book… 'the history of glue' – I couldn't put it down.

Tim Vine

I was reading a book… 'the history of glue' – I couldn't put it down.

Funny

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' – if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood who were funny without swearing were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

Tim Vine

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' – if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood who were funny without swearing were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

Dad

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

Tim Vine

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

Dad

Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Tim Vine

Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Car

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure you look great the world's your oyster go for it.''

Tim Vine

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure you look great the world's your oyster go for it.''

Beauty

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.

Tim Vine

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.

Hot Quotes

My first love is art and I see a lot of things in an artistic way.

In my world history comes down to language and art. No one cares much about what battles were fought who won them and who lost them – unless there is a painting a play a song or a poem that speaks of the event.

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Wushu is a move in Chinese a physical move. An attack. Wushu is like an art.

I was very much into buying contemporary art but I've just decided I want to get rid of it all. Not that it's not great art but all of a sudden my mood has changed and I want to go back to seventeenth- and eighteenth-century masters.

I did this Super-8 film at art school called 'Tissues' this black comedy about a family whose father has been arrested for child molestation. I was absolutely thrilled by every inch of it and would throw my projector in the back of my car and show it to anybody who would watch it.

The great art of films does not consist of descriptive movement of face and body but in the movements of thought and soul transmitted in a kind of intense isolation.

Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide.

Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis.

The idea of avant-garde art is a very suspicious thing to me the idea that poetry is new and it keeps being new the way Chevrolets every year are new.

Any work that aspires however humbly to the condition of art should carry its justification in every line.

When thou art at Rome do as they do at Rome.

Author: Tim Vine

So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

I was reading a book… 'the history of glue' – I couldn't put it down.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' – if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood who were funny without swearing were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure you look great the world's your oyster go for it.''

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.